Ride Ten Thousand Days and Nights
by Min Daae
Summary: Things don't match up the way he wants them to. Gino, post series.


_Author's Note: Just rewatched this series for the second time, and it killed me all over again. And this was what came out of it, because Gino really caught my attention this time, and I was curious about his after. And also angst. Always with the angst. ...there will probably be more series-codas forthcoming._

* * *

Gino's first impression of Suzaku was that he was cold. Almost unnerving in the intensity in his eyes and the set line of his mouth, rigid in every line of his body, and _formal. _Gino knew the stereotype of Elevens as polite – deferential, some might say – but Suzaku seemed to take it to extremes. Stiffly distant at all times. Even _Bismarck _didn't bother to call Gino 'Lord Weinberg.' Suzaku never called him anything else.

The only time he caught him smiling was with Princess Nunally, when he caught a glimpse of the two of them alone, and even then it was only the tiniest upturn of the corner of his mouth. So it wasn't that he couldn't smile, Gino concluded. Just that he didn't.

Suzaku and his ruthless dedication. Suzaku and his grim countenance and careful distance. Suzaku who he apparently hadn't known as well as he'd thought.

Suzaku who was dead in the wake of the Demon Emperor's rapid and bloody rise to power – and fall, just as swift.

Sometimes Gino tried to remember what he'd thought of Lelouch, the few times he'd interacted with the boy. Standoffish in his own way, he remembered, but quicker to smile, and if Gino thought that it had never really touched his eyes maybe that was just the benefit of hindsight.

Nobody really wanted to talk about Lelouch, though. When he got the chance to visit Ashford, it was strange. Awkward and stilted conversations where everyone tried to step around both Suzaku and Lelouch. Gino watched Kallen thoughtfully, the minute twitch every time they got too close, and wondered.

Suzaku, though. Poor, grim, idealistic, _dead _Suzaku. He remembered climbing out of what was left of the Tristan, extricating Kallen from the Guren and both of them looking up at the sky, the leftover brightness of the Lancelot's death throes. Kallen's shoulders shuddered slightly, and when he caught her eyes they were bright. "I don't," she said, and then stopped. Gino's heart hurt.

_God, Suzaku, why. _

Suzaku's gravestone was buried in the middle of many others, almost lost among the markers for the victims of the Pendragon disaster. He went to visit it, when he was in the homeland. Gino wondered if Suzaku would have liked that. To be buried in Britannia among masses of others, undistinguished except for his relatively plain headstone. Some honor.

Everyone said Suzaku had done what he had for the glory, for his own ambition, but that didn't make _sense. _Suzaku had always been modest, shying away from public displays, disliking using his Rounds status as many of the Knights did to gain him special privileges. The more he thought about it, the more it bothered him.

Wasn't like he could ask Suzaku, though. Nothing to do but wonder.

~.~

Gino visited Suzaku's grave at least partly because he felt like someone should, and it didn't seem likely that anyone else would take the trouble, unless it was to spit on it. Suzaku deserved better than that, whatever choices he'd made for whatever reason.

Which was why it came as a surprise to find Empress Nunally in his accustomed place one day, looking at the gravestone set in the grass. He paused, surprised to see her alone, without her usual escort. "Empress?" he said gingerly, trying to work out exactly what response was appropriate when the Empress turned around and smiled at him, though her eyes were a little overbright.

"Gino," she said. "You came to visit Suzaku?" Gino hesitated, and then nodded. "I'm glad," she said.

He'd never known Nunally very well when she'd been Viceroy. He shuffled, awkwardly, and finally said, "I can leave you alone, if you would like."

"No," Nunally said quietly. "No, please, stay. You and Suzaku were friends, weren't you?"

Gino scratched his head. "Yeah. I mean, I guess. I thought so. He was always…"

"He was always a little like my brother," Nunally said, quietly. "Both of them so stubborn and so determined to do everything by themselves. No matter how different they seemed to everyone else…Lu- _Lelouch _used to say that they could do anything together."

Gino swallowed hard and did not let the thought that popped into his head – _including take over the world? – _emerge from his mouth. The tone of Nunally's voice on Lelouch's name wasn't what he would have expected. No bitterness or regret. Just sadness, and a very slight tremble. "Huh," he said, finally.

"I wish…" Nunally shook her head, slightly, and paused. He saw her swipe at her eyes, though. "I wish they just could have been happy with me."

"I never saw Suzaku smile except when he was with you," Gino offered, and Nunally – the Empress, though it still seemed weird to think of her like that – lowered her head.

"Lord Weinberg." He recognized the slightly modified voice, and nearly jumped anyway. He should have known. The man was never far from Nunally.

"Zero," Gino said, making sure to keep his voice neutral. Offically, of course, Zero was their savior. Officially, he had turned down all offers of power. It was still damned hard to forget everything he'd done on the way there, and he couldn't help but be suspicious of his closeness with the Empress. Especially considering that whatever he had been, it was Nunally's brother that he'd murdered before her eyes. "Fancy seeing you here."

"I accompanied Empress Nunally at her request." There was no inflection to that mechanized voice, and Gino wished, just for a moment, that he could hear something, or see some expression. Something.

Nunally turned away from the gravestone. "We were just talking about Suzaku – Sir Kururugi," Nunally said, and there was something curiously intent in her gaze as she looked up at Zero. "Our memories of him. And Lelouch."

There was a momentary silence, and then Zero said, in that same noncomittal, mechanical voice, "I've told you before how I feel about…this."

Gino glanced back and forth between them, feeling a bit like he was missing something. "About what?" he said, not bothering to make his voice not sound sharp, and Zero's mask looked at him, inscrutable and opaque.

"Kururugi was a traitor who served his own interests ahead of all else. It's not fitting for the Empress to visit here."

Gino bristled automatically. "That's unfair," he said, fiercely. "Suzaku wasn't – it was more complicated than that. He was my friend, and whatever he did – he doesn't deserve to just be forgotten by everyone who knew him. I don't agree with the choices he made, but that doesn't mean-" He stopped abruptly, realizing that Nunally was looking at him too, now.

"Yes," she said softly. "My feelings exactly. I feel certain that he had his reasons."

"Empress," said Zero, and this time there was something peculiar in his tone that Gino couldn't identify, but Nunally just looked at him until Zero's mask turned away from her. "Yes," he said. "Understood."

Again, Gino had that feeling that something had passed between them that he didn't understand.

"If things had gone differently," Nunally said. "Suzaku Kururugi would be a hero for the whole world."

"Your Majesty," Zero said. "We should go."

"Yes," Nunally said, softly. "We should." When Zero laid his hands on her wheelchair, she reached up and laid one hand over his, even as she looked at Gino. "Have a pleasant afternoon, Gino."

Gino watched them go, feeling distinctly at sea.

~.~

He asked Kallen, the next time he was at Ashford. Mostly because Kallen was the only one who seemed willing to tolerate him, not out of any actual malice, he suspected; more because he reminded them of a time they were trying their very hardest to get away from. Which was fair.

"Do you ever wonder who Zero is?" he asked, and Kallen looked at him, eyes suddenly narrowed.

"He's Zero," she said, after a few moments. "That's all that matters."

"But he's not," Gino said. "I mean, not really. Unless it wasn't true about Zero dying after the Tokyo Settlement bombing, in which case what did happen? And if he did – then who's this one?"

"It's the symbol that's valuable," Kallen said, something curiously neutral in her voice, like she'd said the words before. "Not the person who wears it."

"Zero never would have been so popular if he hadn't been able to manage things the way he did. Create miracles, or whatever they were. So isn't it kind of…" He trailed off as he realized that Kallen's expression had grown steadily and markedly darker. "…what?"

"We don't need a war leader," Kallen said, after a moment's silence. "Not anymore. So it doesn't matter whether this Zero can work miracles or not. As long as he wears the mask, he's Zero."

Gino eyed her, carefully, wondering if it was dangerous to keep asking. It probably was. Then again, he'd never particularly minded dangerous; it was one of the things he liked about Kallen. "Do you know?" he asked. "Who Zero is? Are you protecting someone?"

"No," said Kallen, after a moment, but the way she dropped her eyes suggested to Gino that she was probably lying. "I don't know." The careful way she chose her words gave it away.

"But you _suspect._"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Leave it, Gino."

"But-"

"_Leave it,_" Kallen said, and this time he was quite sure that she would punch him in the face if he kept trying. He didn't really want to be punched in the face. Gino let it go. For a moment.

"Do you ever think about Suzaku?"

Kallen threw a sharp look at him. "Is this an interrogation or a conversation?"

"I'm just asking questions!" Gino protested, and Kallen snorted.

"Yeah," she said, after a moment. "I guess."

Gino leaned back on his hands. "Do you hate him?"

"What?"

"A lot of Ele- _Japanese _seem to hate him. You have a little more reason than most, I guess. Do you?"

Kallen eyed him sideways. "No," she said, finally. "I mean. I did, for a while. He was always in the way, back when…when he was fighting us. And I didn't _get…_but no. Not anymore." She shrugged. "I guess I…in the end I feel kind of sorry for him."

Gino blinked at her, a little surprised. Kallen looked distant, mind somewhere far away. He couldn't help himself. "I've just been thinking," he said. "It doesn't make any sense. I know I didn't know Suzaku very well, but he never…him and the Demon Emperor. It doesn't make sense."

Kallen's mouth did a funny little twitch. "You can just call him Lelouch," she said, voice back to curiously flat. "It sounds weird otherwise. I don't know. Maybe he didn't know what Lelouch was planning. Or maybe, like you said. You just didn't know him that well."

"Did you?"

Kallen stood up, suddenly. "How well do you really know anyone?" she said. "Lelouch was always a brilliant liar, and Suzaku could be when he wanted to. We'll never know now. Honestly, isn't it just as well? I'll see you later."

Gino watched her go, feeling more lost than ever. He tried calling her before leaving for the home- _Britannia, _but she didn't pick up. Gino wondered what he'd said to piss her off.

~.~

_Dear Gino, _said the letter he'd received. _I would like to invite you to come to my house for dinner. Thank you, Nunally. _Gino stared at the letter in bewilderment. He couldn't think of anything he would have expected less.

But one did not say no to the Empress, so he went.

The residence where Empress Nunally spent most of her time was almost startlingly modest. It was open, with many windows and a lush garden, all bright open spaces. Nunally greeted him at the door with Zero at her side, and Gino looked at Zero for several moments.

Maybe, he entertained the idea briefly, it was Kallen.

But that was actually ridiculous. And also impossible, considering that she'd been imprisoned when Zero had killed the Emperor.

He gave up on it and bowed low, only to have Nunally gesture him up. "No," she said, "It's all right, I want this to be as informal as we can make it."

"Your Majesty," he said, before he could get in any deeper. "I'm afraid I don't understand why you invited me here. I'm hardly…"

"It's Suzaku's birthday this week," Nunally said, quietly. "I wanted to have a few people to celebrate it with. Just to…just to remember."

'A few' turned out to be himself, Nunally, and Zero, which was probably the most awkward dinner he'd ever had. Nunally didn't seem to notice, though, chattering happily to both of them in equal measure while he and Zero stared at each other across the table.

Zero didn't eat. Of course, Gino thought. He couldn't take off the mask.

Just before dessert, a man – formally dressed, too well to be a servant, Gino thought - came in to the room and leaned down to murmur something into Nunally's ear. She stilled, very abruptly, and her expression froze.

"I'm sorry," she said, when the man straightened. "Please excuse me," and before Gino or Zero could say a word, she had turned her wheelchair around and zipped out of the room.

Gino looked at Zero, who was looking after her. The mask was, of course, unreadable. "Hey," Gino started to say, not sure what he was going to ask, but then Zero stood up.

"I must go ensure that her Majesty is well," he said. "You are welcome to finish eating at your leisure," and then he was gone too. Gino set down his fork and stared after both of them.

Then got up and wandered out of the room, following his instincts down the hallways, trying to guess where they might have gone.

He heard the soft sound of sobbing first. _Empress, _he thought immediately, and sped up his pace. Had one of her siblings –Schniezel? Or Cornelia? A few more steps, and he could make out another voice, muffled, responding.

Zero? He froze. Edged a few steps closer, straining his ears.

Nunally's voice rose. "I knew…I hoped no one would find it. I hoped no one would _try _but they- they- couldn't even leave his _grave _alone."

_Suzaku, _Gino thought with a sick lurch, but no, no matter how close Nunally had been to Suzaku, that didn't…Lelouch, he realized. Her older brother. The world's worst enemy.

Gino took a deep breath through his nose and tried not to feel a flash of anger. She was young. He was her brother. It was only understandable.

"It's bad enough having to listen to all the things they call him but I thought at least there could be one place he'd be at peace…"

"I know." He could hear the other voice now, just barely. Soft, hardly audible. "I know, it's…I'm _sorry._" It sounded familiar, that voice. Where did he know it from? "You know…"

"I know why," said Nunally, and there was something more bitter in her voice than Gino had ever heard from her. "I know why, and I still hate it, I _hate _it, I just want everyone to know what he…"

"We know," said the other voice, and Gino's jaw dropped, because he had it. "_We _know, and that's what matters."

Gino turned around and walked back to the dining room, his head spinning, and sat down. He waited. It was almost an hour before Zero came back, remasked and inscrutable as ever. "Her Majesty is sorry for the inconvenience," he said. "It would probably be best if you left."

"Suzaku?" Gino said, carefully, and Zero stilled. Something in his posture, maybe, or _something-_

"Kururugi is dead," said Zero, after a few moments. "Lord Weinberg, please leave."

"Suzaku," said Gino, more carefully. "I'm…glad you're alive." He turned toward the door, not expecting a response. Half expecting something else. There were so many questions locked behind his teeth that he didn't know how to ask and didn't think he wanted the answers to.

A beat, and then he heard, in a slightly strangled voice, "Gino." He turned. "I'm sorry," said Zero.

Gino shrugged. "What for? Zero never did anything to me." He turned, squared his shoulders. Walked away.

~.~

Not knowing what else to do, he called Kallen. "Zero is Suzaku," he said, before she could say anything. He heard Kallen sigh.

"Yes," she said. "I know. I recognized the fighting style when he first appeared. It couldn't be anyone else."

"Why not?" Gino asked, and there was another long pause.

"I guess if you figured this much out you won't…because," Kallen said, finally, something heavy in her voice. "Lelouch was the original Zero. He wouldn't have handed it off to just anyone. It had to be Suzaku."

It took Gino a few moments to absorb that. A few more to turn things around in his head and make sense of what Kallen was saying, and he thought of Nunally, _Lelouch used to say they could do anything together. _"Oh," he said, finally, not quite sure what else to say. And then, "I…oh."

Kallen sighed. He heard it over the line. "Yeah," she said, heavily. "Turns out we were all just playing their game, and I can't even be that mad about it, because it _worked_."

Gino thought about Suzaku, locked behind that mask. Suzaku, killing his once-best friend. "That's…" he said, and trailed off. _Brilliant? Twisted? _

"I have to go," Kallen said. "I'll…you're not stupid. I know you won't tell anyone." The line clicked closed. Gino stood stock still, trying to work out what he was feeling. He thought about Lelouch and Suzaku, putting together their plan. Setting everything in place. Sucking the poison out of the world and into themselves.

_Nunally, _he thought, abruptly, and _god. Suzaku. _

The next day, he brought flowers to Suzaku's (empty) grave, along with the scrapbook he'd never given him. Laid them both carefully on the stone. Hoped Suzaku would get them; hoped he would understand.

_You're forgiven. _


End file.
